It's late at night, I am 18 and in the hospital for pain and vomiting so severe I went to the emergency room convinced I now had the cancer my mother did when she was my age. I am hooked up to IVs and machines, scared, and alone and feeling like a helpless child. The the nurse came in and said, "I'm sorry, there isn't anything we can do to help you, because you're 6 weeks pregnant".
Pregnant? Wow. all I want to do is cry with pure joy and throw up at the same time. But right now my life is changing and I don't even know how. Pregnancy for me, all 5 of they were, very difficult. I have negative blood so I have to get painful shots for that just in case my baby has positive blood. I developed hypernmesis and throw up all day every day all nine months and find myself getting fluid IVs once a week. I get sick and frail and don't get to have that joyous experience of being pregnant that every woman dreams of.
But now it's time. I am alone, but I don't care because I get to meet my baby. Wyatt came into the world as just 5 pounds, after a traumatic birth and almost killed him and me, but he was the most perfect thing I had ever laid eyes on. So small and pink, but so wonderful. It was the first time in my life I had actually felt my heart so full of love it was smiling. I knew he was my whole reason for living.
Wyatt didn't hit his milestones as most children do, and was always below the curve of development, but the doctors say not to worry because he will catch up. At age 1 and a half he was still on his bottle and just learning to crawl full time, he started walking just before he turned 2, and could only say about 5 words, and they were difficult to understand. Wyatt was tested for Autism and began in home speech therapy, then was diagnosed as borderline Autistic...
What do we do with that? Borderline? What does that even mean? Later he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing disorder. Here my perfect boy is, about to go to express preschool with borderline autism, a speech delay, not potty trained, and with sensory processing disorder, and it wasn't fair. I;m the mom and all I want to do is protect him, but here I am shoving him into life and with people he has never met. What if he has an episode? Do I run in and take him away, or do I just leave and hope they can help him and he has a good day?
I have a son a year younger than Wyatt at home, and a daughter 2 years younger and they have none of their brother's issues, but it causes issues in our home. His sensory processing disorder makes it hard to keep a calm and happy tone, because his emotions are out of control and his brain is unable to figure out why and how to fix it. A child with needs requires so much, and there are times I feel like I am lost in it all. But he amazes me and grows everyday. Kindergarten and Wyatt sits alone on the walls during recess, and eats by himself. He is an outsider because he doesn't know how to interact with people. It's hard for him to understand them because he is different in ways his mind is too little to have answers to
Wyatt is in third grade now and is doing a million times better. He is by no means a "normal" child for his age, but from where he was in my eyes he could be. He doesn't always do well in school, but he tested higher in math this semester than anyone in his class, and he has a few buddies that seem to understand him. All the staff in his school adores him and can't stop saying wonderful things. He loves to read about anything under the sun and even reads to his three year old brother. Wyatt has played every sport we can find, because sports are so amazing for any child, but they can be amazing for kids like Wyatt who need a little extra help making friends, learning respect, and understanding teamwork. But this is his first year in basketball and so far it's the ONLY sport he has liked for longer than the first two weeks- more growth and improvement.
I understand the struggles of everyday parenting because I have four children, but I understand more the struggles of what a mother with special needs children go through. Next time you a see a mom who has a son like Wyatt, give her a hug because she probably needs one.
