We all have those days when we feel like everything is great and we are a rock star mom, you know the kind you see on TV and think "I wish I could be her" and then you have a day when you think "I could so be a TV mom". Right? Okay maybe that's just me.
Yesterday I picked up my kids from school while my husband slept off a graveyard shift and then went to get him his favorite dinner and cleaned kid throw up out of the back of my car and went on to get the kids some kid food because we had a baseball game to go to in 45 minutes and who can cook a meal for 6 in 45 minutes when its grocery day and you didn't have time to get groceries? Not me. Then I took my sick child out in a rain storm so we could be told that his game was rained out- which was sort of lucky since he didn't want to NOT play but would have thrown up on that diamond he loves so much!. Today I got up early, got the kids to soccer games, ran home to get a kid who caught the tummy bug home to be sick, got back to the field, watched two different soccer games, got lunch, handed out post game snacks and just when I was feeling amazing I realized that my oldest son missed his game. GREAT. Cue angry husband.
Sometimes we have a great day, and then we drop the ball. But isn't that kind of the great thing about being a mom? You have all these people around you who are just as imperfect as you, except they still love you when you can't love yourself?
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Austistic Son
It's late at night, I am 18 and in the hospital for pain and vomiting so severe I went to the emergency room convinced I now had the cancer my mother did when she was my age. I am hooked up to IVs and machines, scared, and alone and feeling like a helpless child. The the nurse came in and said, "I'm sorry, there isn't anything we can do to help you, because you're 6 weeks pregnant".
Pregnant? Wow. all I want to do is cry with pure joy and throw up at the same time. But right now my life is changing and I don't even know how. Pregnancy for me, all 5 of they were, very difficult. I have negative blood so I have to get painful shots for that just in case my baby has positive blood. I developed hypernmesis and throw up all day every day all nine months and find myself getting fluid IVs once a week. I get sick and frail and don't get to have that joyous experience of being pregnant that every woman dreams of.
But now it's time. I am alone, but I don't care because I get to meet my baby. Wyatt came into the world as just 5 pounds, after a traumatic birth and almost killed him and me, but he was the most perfect thing I had ever laid eyes on. So small and pink, but so wonderful. It was the first time in my life I had actually felt my heart so full of love it was smiling. I knew he was my whole reason for living.
Wyatt didn't hit his milestones as most children do, and was always below the curve of development, but the doctors say not to worry because he will catch up. At age 1 and a half he was still on his bottle and just learning to crawl full time, he started walking just before he turned 2, and could only say about 5 words, and they were difficult to understand. Wyatt was tested for Autism and began in home speech therapy, then was diagnosed as borderline Autistic...
What do we do with that? Borderline? What does that even mean? Later he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing disorder. Here my perfect boy is, about to go to express preschool with borderline autism, a speech delay, not potty trained, and with sensory processing disorder, and it wasn't fair. I;m the mom and all I want to do is protect him, but here I am shoving him into life and with people he has never met. What if he has an episode? Do I run in and take him away, or do I just leave and hope they can help him and he has a good day?
I have a son a year younger than Wyatt at home, and a daughter 2 years younger and they have none of their brother's issues, but it causes issues in our home. His sensory processing disorder makes it hard to keep a calm and happy tone, because his emotions are out of control and his brain is unable to figure out why and how to fix it. A child with needs requires so much, and there are times I feel like I am lost in it all. But he amazes me and grows everyday. Kindergarten and Wyatt sits alone on the walls during recess, and eats by himself. He is an outsider because he doesn't know how to interact with people. It's hard for him to understand them because he is different in ways his mind is too little to have answers to
Wyatt is in third grade now and is doing a million times better. He is by no means a "normal" child for his age, but from where he was in my eyes he could be. He doesn't always do well in school, but he tested higher in math this semester than anyone in his class, and he has a few buddies that seem to understand him. All the staff in his school adores him and can't stop saying wonderful things. He loves to read about anything under the sun and even reads to his three year old brother. Wyatt has played every sport we can find, because sports are so amazing for any child, but they can be amazing for kids like Wyatt who need a little extra help making friends, learning respect, and understanding teamwork. But this is his first year in basketball and so far it's the ONLY sport he has liked for longer than the first two weeks- more growth and improvement.
I understand the struggles of everyday parenting because I have four children, but I understand more the struggles of what a mother with special needs children go through. Next time you a see a mom who has a son like Wyatt, give her a hug because she probably needs one.
Pregnant? Wow. all I want to do is cry with pure joy and throw up at the same time. But right now my life is changing and I don't even know how. Pregnancy for me, all 5 of they were, very difficult. I have negative blood so I have to get painful shots for that just in case my baby has positive blood. I developed hypernmesis and throw up all day every day all nine months and find myself getting fluid IVs once a week. I get sick and frail and don't get to have that joyous experience of being pregnant that every woman dreams of.
But now it's time. I am alone, but I don't care because I get to meet my baby. Wyatt came into the world as just 5 pounds, after a traumatic birth and almost killed him and me, but he was the most perfect thing I had ever laid eyes on. So small and pink, but so wonderful. It was the first time in my life I had actually felt my heart so full of love it was smiling. I knew he was my whole reason for living.
Wyatt didn't hit his milestones as most children do, and was always below the curve of development, but the doctors say not to worry because he will catch up. At age 1 and a half he was still on his bottle and just learning to crawl full time, he started walking just before he turned 2, and could only say about 5 words, and they were difficult to understand. Wyatt was tested for Autism and began in home speech therapy, then was diagnosed as borderline Autistic...
What do we do with that? Borderline? What does that even mean? Later he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing disorder. Here my perfect boy is, about to go to express preschool with borderline autism, a speech delay, not potty trained, and with sensory processing disorder, and it wasn't fair. I;m the mom and all I want to do is protect him, but here I am shoving him into life and with people he has never met. What if he has an episode? Do I run in and take him away, or do I just leave and hope they can help him and he has a good day?
I have a son a year younger than Wyatt at home, and a daughter 2 years younger and they have none of their brother's issues, but it causes issues in our home. His sensory processing disorder makes it hard to keep a calm and happy tone, because his emotions are out of control and his brain is unable to figure out why and how to fix it. A child with needs requires so much, and there are times I feel like I am lost in it all. But he amazes me and grows everyday. Kindergarten and Wyatt sits alone on the walls during recess, and eats by himself. He is an outsider because he doesn't know how to interact with people. It's hard for him to understand them because he is different in ways his mind is too little to have answers to
Wyatt is in third grade now and is doing a million times better. He is by no means a "normal" child for his age, but from where he was in my eyes he could be. He doesn't always do well in school, but he tested higher in math this semester than anyone in his class, and he has a few buddies that seem to understand him. All the staff in his school adores him and can't stop saying wonderful things. He loves to read about anything under the sun and even reads to his three year old brother. Wyatt has played every sport we can find, because sports are so amazing for any child, but they can be amazing for kids like Wyatt who need a little extra help making friends, learning respect, and understanding teamwork. But this is his first year in basketball and so far it's the ONLY sport he has liked for longer than the first two weeks- more growth and improvement.
I understand the struggles of everyday parenting because I have four children, but I understand more the struggles of what a mother with special needs children go through. Next time you a see a mom who has a son like Wyatt, give her a hug because she probably needs one.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
I am a lazy mom. I don't follow "mom rules" case in point I do NOT allow my kids to only watch one hour of TV a day. My three year old has a TV in his room, all of my kids have Netflix on their tablets, and I pay $4.99/ month for an app called kidoodlehttps://www.kidoodle.tv/. Normally I am kind of okay with that, because let's face it- if they are not yelling at you for milk you're happy.
Until last night. Last night, after said 3 year old discovered the LEGO movie, I had a cartoon nightmare. In my nightmare my 9 year old son's LEGOs came alive like Emmett and tried to kill me. It was awful.
Good moms have dirty dishes, messy floors, and happy kids right? Does that also include brains rotting from too much TV???
Until last night. Last night, after said 3 year old discovered the LEGO movie, I had a cartoon nightmare. In my nightmare my 9 year old son's LEGOs came alive like Emmett and tried to kill me. It was awful.
Good moms have dirty dishes, messy floors, and happy kids right? Does that also include brains rotting from too much TV???
Monday, January 12, 2015
When you're a mom you have such a crazy life, and there are times when you want to pull out your hair. Moments like those can be when you clean your house and then a toddler dumps a bucket of toys on the floor, when your child is trying to get something out of the fridge to eat and ends up breaking a dozen eggs on the floor, or when you pull up into the carpool lane and block traffic because your kids are busy picking up all their trash that comes flying out.
Then you have the amazing moments that make everything better- when your kiddo puts their tiny little hand in yours and looks at you with so much love and trust in their eyes that you want to melt.... when they hug you and say they love you, or do something cute like brush your hair.
Of course their are also times that your child does something and you don't even know what to think. I just had that moment. My adorable potty trained three year old ran off to go potty and then yelled "MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYYY come help me wipe my butt"!!! Of course he was so proud of himself, and it was great that he went, hahahaha, but isn't the point of potty training so I don't have to wipe butts anymore???
Then you have the amazing moments that make everything better- when your kiddo puts their tiny little hand in yours and looks at you with so much love and trust in their eyes that you want to melt.... when they hug you and say they love you, or do something cute like brush your hair.
Of course their are also times that your child does something and you don't even know what to think. I just had that moment. My adorable potty trained three year old ran off to go potty and then yelled "MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYYY come help me wipe my butt"!!! Of course he was so proud of himself, and it was great that he went, hahahaha, but isn't the point of potty training so I don't have to wipe butts anymore???
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Today was a normal day.... I woke up after pushing the snooze 3 times, woke up my daughter, went to wake up my sons, came back upstairs to wake up my daughter, closed my toddler's bedroom door, and sat down for the 2 minutes of peace before they came alive. Those two minutes are so nice. I can have coffee and sit on the good side of the couch, and think about the things I want to get done today. Then it is backpacks flying, yelling for socks, arguing on who actually has P.E. today, groaning about school lunch and then of course the always exciting west side story version of how to get into our minivan and off we go!
But Today would be a good day because my husband was home. Anyone who is a stay at home wife knows that the stay at home days are like rainbows- not often and so amazing. So I spent the day doing his laundry, making him breakfast, making fresh buns for his cheeseburger, and listening to stories about people I don't know. Wait! How does that happen??????
Secretly I don't mind, because it is his dad to entertain the all boy and all 3 year old all day. He gets to play trains, and be the jungle gym and watching makes my heart melt so much that I don't even care that it is 2:30 PM and I am covered in flour and have to go face people to get my kids at school.
Some moms wear lipstick and high heels.....today I wear food and sweatpants. I;m guessing I am the last person they would expect to be their PTO president but HERE. I. AM. a glorious, flat broke and worried about money, homeless looking and pretty awesome
But Today would be a good day because my husband was home. Anyone who is a stay at home wife knows that the stay at home days are like rainbows- not often and so amazing. So I spent the day doing his laundry, making him breakfast, making fresh buns for his cheeseburger, and listening to stories about people I don't know. Wait! How does that happen??????
Secretly I don't mind, because it is his dad to entertain the all boy and all 3 year old all day. He gets to play trains, and be the jungle gym and watching makes my heart melt so much that I don't even care that it is 2:30 PM and I am covered in flour and have to go face people to get my kids at school.
Some moms wear lipstick and high heels.....today I wear food and sweatpants. I;m guessing I am the last person they would expect to be their PTO president but HERE. I. AM. a glorious, flat broke and worried about money, homeless looking and pretty awesome
Today is Sunday.... for most people Sunday is the best day of the week filled with relaxation and calmness. For me it is my husband nagging at me to be up at 7am to get the kids ready for church, and then after an hour we make it to the end and then Sunday school. Lucky for me I get to have breakfast with my in-laws and the three year old where I can eat sitting down. But then there is laundry to get the kids ready for school, making sure dinner is ready, clothes are put away just so they can end up in little piles all over the house, homework done, friday folders signed, reading assignments ready to go, notes to teachers signed, and of course making sure the husband is ready for his work week. Oh yes Sunday is so relaxing!!!
Yesterday I went to my son's basketball and then realized I was THAT mom. I looked around to see other moms all pretty with their makeup on, cute outfits, and nicely polished. Me? I am in yesterday's sweatpants, I forgot to wear makeup, and my dirty hair is in a ponytail and a headband. At least I was cheering on my kid, right?
Yesterday I went to my son's basketball and then realized I was THAT mom. I looked around to see other moms all pretty with their makeup on, cute outfits, and nicely polished. Me? I am in yesterday's sweatpants, I forgot to wear makeup, and my dirty hair is in a ponytail and a headband. At least I was cheering on my kid, right?
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